![]() Drunk people become experts-and want you to know it. Once he locks onto you (we are still trying to figure out what triggers him), he will quickly and relentlessly violate anyone's definition of personal space. And what's with all the hugs?Īfter a few drinks, all my best friend wants to do is give hugs and cuddle-doesn't much matter who. However, after a few drinks that aloof know-it-all stops posturing, gets real, and reveals things that not only make her critical, prickly, self-aggrandizing behavior seem like an appropriate response to life's crucible of pain, she comes off as kind of awesome. Someone can be a bit standoffish, but manage to be prickly, critical, and self-aggrandizing when sober. After a couple of cocktails, drunks get real. Generous, kind-hearted, warm Ted is kind of a dick when he's deep down in a bottle of Grey Goose. We got escorted to a VIP section*.* For some inexplicable reason, Ted took offense to the guys seated next to us and started to huck ice at them in what he thought was a very subtle manner. Ted, our most generous, kind-hearted, warmest friend bought bottle service for the group. One time, after an afternoon of brewery hopping for a bachelor party, someone suggested a club (like one of those oontz oontz clubs). Take a person who's pleasing to the eye, intelligent, put together, and when sober, brazenly competent, and confident-but after a few whisky sours, that person turns into a paranoid mess of self-doubt. Normally I wouldn't mind-I mean, my conversations are littered with expletives-but when it's two in the morning, and I'm sober and tired, it wears thin quick. One friend not only starts to shout after a few, but he also won't stop talking and cursing. Drunk people are loud.Īpparently, drinking is like sitting on the TV remote's volume up button, except drunk people are the TV and I can't find the remote. ![]() Here are 15 things I have learned by being the only sober person around. My unique position has afforded me a rare glimpse into the behavioral patterns of the plastered, plowed, tipsy, smashed, buzzed, blottoed, and otherwise inebriated. Well, more like severely intolerant, but the effect is the same: I break out in hives, my throat starts to close, and breathing becomes an issue-so, pretty much allergic.ĭue to my condition I have on countless occasions been the only sober person in the entire, bar, house, street, boat, truck bed, swimming pool, etc. ![]()
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